Phobias

Often people create stress in their lives without realizing it. Have you ever been really worried about something, then mentioned it to someone, only to have that person tell you that your worry is silly? It is easy to convince yourself that something is a bigger deal than it actually is or to expect too much from yourself.

When You Need More

As a teen, you are being pulled in a lot of different directions at once. It can seem impossible to make everyone happy. What if your teachers want you to do massive amounts of work, your parents want you to get straight As, and your friends want you to cut class and hang with them? What do you do? It may seem as though no matter what you do, you are letting someone down.

Everyone wants others to like them, but most people know that you just cannot please everyone all of the time. Some people, however, have a powerful need for approval. Inside, they feel as though they are not good enough. They feel the need to prove their worth to others. If they are not able to please everyone, they feel worried, tense, and anxious.

If you have an excessive need for approval, you probably aren't paying enough attention to your own needs. Chances are that you are not thinking about what you want or what you like. Rather, you are doing what others want you to do. Try to be realistic about other people's approval. How important is it—really? Ask yourself if this is a person whose opinion you respect? Why does his approval matter so much to you? What will happen if you do not get his approval? Most likely, he will still care about you, even if you do something he does not like. If not, then he is not the kind of person you would want in your life anyway. When you start to think objectively about whose approval you want and why, you will probably discover that it is not as important as you thought it was. Then you can relax in the knowledge that your decisions have the approval of the most important person in your life—you.

When Things Seem Out of Control

Often the things that people worry about are completely out of their control. Think about it—people worry constantly about the weather, the economy, or growing old. It is easy to stress about things that we cannot control, but it is also useless. There is nothing you can do to change them. The most you can do is to prepare yourself and hope for the best.

If you find yourself getting anxious over things beyond your control, start practicing acceptance. Acceptance is the realization that life is often changeable and unpredictable. Acceptance means “taking things as they come” or “going with the flow.” Having a sense of humor helps a lot. Try telling yourself that things will work out in the end, and that life usually turns out okay. After all, it usually does.

Acceptance also requires patience. Sometimes things take a while to work themselves out. No matter how much you worry about the outcome, worrying will not change it. Instead, use the time you would normally spend worrying to get ready for the outcome—whatever it is. Better yet, spend that time working on something you actually can change, and change it for the better.